Staying connected at any age is important

By Kristin Groth, Eastside News

Stop by Goodman Community Center’s Ironworks building any weekday between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. and you’ll see — and hear — a lot of gray-haired people having a good time. At first glance you might think it’s just another senior center. Yawn. But no. It deserves a closer look because you’ll see what healthy aging looks like. We should all be so lucky to have a community like this one — especially when we know many older adults are alone more than is good for them.

Social isolation is no joke

It’s no accident that in our prison system, the punishment we inflict on the most incorrigible inmates is solitary confinement. Because isolation makes people miserable. And it turns out it’s also very unhealthy.

Over the years many researchers have confirmed and explained the risks of social isolation.

Brené Brown, a celebrated research professor of social work at the University of Houston, has come to this conclusion: “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”

What does that suffering look like? The National Institute on Aging’s research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease and even death. Nothing good.

In 2014, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy went on a listening tour across America. He was surprised at what he heard. People of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds, from every corner of the country told him variations of “If I disappear tomorrow, no one will even notice.” At that time, 1 in 2 adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. Murthy declared it an epidemic. Since then, social media, technology and the COVID-19 pandemic have only compounded the problem.

Not surprisingly, older adults are even more vulnerable to loneliness. It’s a time of life that can bring challenges that can make it harder to stay connected — emotionally and physically. The loss of a lifelong love, divorce, a chronic illness or change in mobility, retirement, a move to new housing or new community, poverty, lack of transportation options and even access to modern technology all pose threats.

Goodman — a cure for loneliness

A few years ago, Abby Sibilski, the coordinator of Goodman’s older adult program, received a letter from a woman who had been coming to Goodman for just a couple of months. She shared that for years and years she didn’t have any friends. Not one. But since coming to Goodman, she has a whole group of people to hang out with.

“She was so grateful. Her whole outlook on life shifted,” Sibilski said. “She was so much happier. We often hear stories like hers.”

Wanting older adults to feel connected is what drives Gayle Laszewski, assistant director of the older adult program, and Sibilski every day — the dynamic duo who have created this thriving community of older adults. They treat older adults like whole people, and provide a safe space for them to come together and share a cornucopia of rich activities and experiences that nurture body and soul. In fact, lunch and many of the activities surrounding it have become so popular, they often require a reservation.

‘Let’s meet at Goodman’

After John O’Keefe retired from his work in human services, he was determined to stay in touch with friends.

“Not all of us are able to be a host for a guest in our own home, but we can use the Goodman lunch as a place to meet,” he explained.

So that’s what he did. He invited a friend who uses a wheelchair to meet at Goodman for lunch because it’s affordable and accessible.

“It works out great. We meet every Monday because there’s a movie on a big screen TV after lunch,” O’Keefe said.

Eventually, O’Keefe’s friend lost her ability to drive and started getting a ride to Goodman. Then another friend started regularly joining them. He shared that his wife didn’t come because she was developing some memory problems.

“Bring your wife,” O’Keefe told him. “She will be fully accepted, no matter what happens.”

That’s how it works. Friends invite friends, who invite friends. Everyone’s welcome. It’s that kind of place.

So much time, so much to do

Four years ago Nellie Adams moved here from Texas — away from the place she called home for 50 years.

“My daughter didn’t want me home by myself. She kept telling me I needed to go to Goodman,” Adams said. “So I finally did and I’ve been coming ever since. They made me feel so welcome.”

The first thing she did at Goodman was learn to knit.

“I was so excited about knitting and Goodman. I started going to everything,” Adams said “I go to Culture Club, we dance every Friday, and we play cards, and I go to yoga, get tech support. I love the mindfulness meditation and Thursday brain games too.

“It’s made my world bigger. Not only do we have activities here, we go places. I’ve gone to plays at the Overture Center, seen holiday lights around town, gone on a pontoon ride around the lakes and smelled the lilacs at the arboretum.”

Sharon Madden is a regular too. She moved here from Bloomington, Illinois, a couple of years ago.

“I hardly knew anyone, so somebody suggested I try the lunches at Goodman,” she said. “When I went, I found out it’s more than just lunches. It was a lifesaver, man, because I was just really isolated. My children are here, but I had nobody in my age group that I could relate to.

“There’s so much to do at Goodman. I’m there for several hours nearly every day. I love the Wellness Warriors and the cooking classes taught by medical students. We learn to cook, but the students also bring a topic to talk about — often some new way we can take care of ourselves. And they always take time to answer our questions.”

Once a friend, always a friend

When regular attendees aren’t able to come to GCC anymore, for whatever reason, Goodman has a Phone Pal program where volunteers call them. Cheryl Smith has been a Phone Pal volunteer for a couple of years.

“In the beginning I’d call (my Phone Pal) weekly at a scheduled time, but before long we were just calling each other whenever we wanted or needed to talk,” Smith said. “We’ve never met, yet we’ve become really good friends.

“She has family and friends here, but I think she still gets lonely. We share all kinds of things with each other — like friends do. When my parents died two years ago, she helped me through that, my grieving. I am supposed to help her, but she’s given me so much.”

Often staff and participants will simply call because they’ve grown to care about each other.

“Sometimes friends have stopped coming because of health problems or something, so I’ll just call them. We still talk,” explained Adams. “And one time I went back to Texas for a visit and Abby called me to tell me a friend had passed away. She knew I would want to know because we are all so close.”

Soon after Madden started attending, she picked up COVID-19 during a trip to Chicago, so she couldn’t go to Goodman for several days. Before she knew it, one of the guys she’d gotten to know at GCC called wondering if she was coming back.

“If someone is missing, people will check in on you out of concern,” she explained. “It’s really great.”

The community connects beyond the scheduled activities too.

“On Fridays, people often go out to dinner,” Madden said. “I’ve seen people help each other out with a ride somewhere or they bring in something they don’t need anymore. We regularly help each out — I see it as a really good community.”

Be seen. Be heard. Be valued

According to Brené Brown, connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued. Clearly, connection is what’s happening among the older adults at Goodman.

There are no strangers here. Whether you come for lunch or an activity, it never takes long for someone to start introducing a new person to everyone. They see you and want to get to know you.

“When you’re around different people, you share different ideas,” Madden shared “We all share what we’re going through and bounce ideas off each other. When you’re sitting at home alone, at least with me, I can feel overwhelmed. Then I get anxious and can’t even sleep at night. But if I go and share it, it’s like therapy.”

Of course there are occasional conflicts, but Madden raved about how well Laszewski and Sibilski handle them. She talked about how the pair respectfully listen and talk with everyone involved while making sure it doesn’t happen again. If something harsh is said, even jokingly, program leaders are careful to make sure that no one is hurt by unkind words.

“Gayle, Abby and all the staff are just so, so fine. There’s so much compassion there. Even when someone passes away, they do the nicest thing,” Madden said. “They print up a short obit and share it with us, and if we want to go the celebration of life, they’ll take us there in a Goodman van. It’s important to be able to say goodbye to these people we’ve come to care about.”

Adding life to their years — and years to their lives

Recent research has shown that positive beliefs about aging are linked to a longer life. It can add 7.5 years to someone’s life even across racial and ethnic groups.

Anti-ageism advocate Ashton Applewhite declares: “It’s not the passage of time that makes it so hard to get older. It’s ageism, a prejudice that pits us against our future selves — and each other.”

She urges us to dismantle the dread and mobilize against the last socially acceptable prejudice.

“Aging is not a problem to be fixed or a disease to be cured,” she said. “It is a natural, powerful, lifelong process that unites us all.”

Everyone in the older adult program at Goodman agrees — aging isn’t a problem — because every day, they have so much to look forward to.